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BOUNDARIES

Updated: Apr 11, 2022

What do you do when you set a boundary with someone, and they don't accept it?

How do you know when to set a boundary and when to just let something go?

How and why to learn how to detach your energy from a person or a situation?


Hi! I'm Sarah. I'm going to write about boundaries and how to set them, when to set them, and why they're important. I've had a challenging relationship with my family and have had to set many boundaries with my dad in particular. It can be challenging to start setting boundaries, especially with a parent, but I'm here to tell you why it is of the utmost importance to preserving our spiritual, mental, and emotional health and sanity.


How do you know when to set a boundary and when to just let something go?

-The time to let things go quickly is when you are not in a long-term relationship with someone or you have no need for them moving forward. An example would be if the cashier at the grocery store offended you or said something that felt strange. It is not always necessary to correct or advise a person in that situation. It may be better to just deflect the energy and just move on.

-The time to set a boundary is whenever you are in a long term relationship with someone that you do not see ending soon. If you have to share space with someone, like a roommate. Or if you are committed to someone in some way, like a friend, partner, boss, coworker, or sometimes a parent if you have a soul contract that you are standing by, or a need for care or assistance that keeps you tied to them.


How and why to learn to detach your energy from a person or a situation

-When you can detach your energy from a situation or a person, you can regain your safe and sacred space without having to make a physical move. Though you may need to physically move away from a person or situation, if someone or a situation is sticking around in your space but you have set a boundary that is not being met, you may need to detach your energy so that you are no longer sharing energy with that person.

-It may seem cold, or harsh. I want to explain that detaching our energy from someone is not with the purpose of "punishing" someone. It is simply part of setting a boundary and protecting oneself from whatever energy they may be carrying that is not ours to work with or experience.


What to do when you set a boundary and someone does not accept it?

-This happens sometimes when someone is in a position of "authority" like a boss, or a parent. Unfortunately in our culture we are just now acknowledging the power of younger people as equal to that of older people, and instead of age, we are acknowledging more of a hierarchy based on wisdom versus years. But still, sometimes folks that have been alive longer, or have been in a position of caretaking, parenting, or instructing; can feel like they have some sort of an upper hand that they dont need to listen to our boundaries or accept their shortcomings in relationship or do any work to bend when there is a need from someone in a relationship. Parents might say something like, "Get over it", when we have a trauma response, which can be extremely painful and harmful. They might simply turn their heads and not listen when we are expressing an emotional or spiritual need.

-If someone does not accept your boundary, or your true need or request, there becomes an issue. One person is asking to do the hard work, and one person is not accepting the challenge to look at themselves and change in order to maintain peace in the situation.

-This means, there might need to be a break in the relationship. Only when both people are doing the work is a relationship evolutionarily positive.

-So, this is a time to withdraw your energy from the relationship or from the person. It is a time when we need to reconsider trust. It is of the utmost importance to have an accurate explanation of where we are in relationship and with who. Who do we trust and who do we not trust, and why. We need to adjust our behavior, our vulnerability, and our sharing, accordingly.


This is part of how we can maintain safety in relationships.


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